we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
