On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
