Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
