i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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