It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
