I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
