found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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