hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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