my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
