he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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