I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
