great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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