Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
