i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
