ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
