dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
