haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
