some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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