i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
