Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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