Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
