I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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