Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
