I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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