Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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