My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
