So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
