i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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