is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
