Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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