TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love you.
Bad choice
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