i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
