So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i believe in u and ur pee
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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