Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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