Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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