What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
