i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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