if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
