Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
