no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Boobs speak an international language.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
