i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
