Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
