either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think my moral compass just broke
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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