Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
