oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
