I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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