I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
