I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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