My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
