you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
