after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
