it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
