you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
