If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
