He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
