so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
