It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
