Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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