You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
